..hope

Today was Mother's Day and I went home last night. Slipping back into family and a familiar home strange feeling seeped into my blood and I rejoiced with my whole heart to see my mom healing and falling in love with Jesus. There is honestly no greater joy than to watch someone experience true freedom in Christ when their yoke of burden and obedience has kept them from joy for so long. I think that this weekend was one of intense paradox though when I look at my father. I confronted him for the very first time and I did so with no fear of his reaction. I honestly just wanted him to know how I feel and to express that to him was a great burden being lifted off my chest. I know the longer I went, silently accepting the terms of our relationship based on the bullshit label of 'a good father-daughter relationship' would simply continue mediocrity. I want to experience a relationship that is permeated with love and trust and I think that I have to see ours for what it is, so the areas that need to be changed can be seen. I spoke the truth and I think that it probably hurt him. It hurts me to hurt him but ultimately I know what I did was out of love and hope and therefore I am fine with some tenderness in the coming future. Ultimately though, I am so certain of the hope that lies within the connect between us because Jesus is there. I know that we both love him, although usually imperfectly, and we desire to grow in him. I am so excited for our adventure in Christ and living in the truth is the only way to live in Christ. If I would have never said anything, and comfortably kept my mouth shut, we would never live in Christ because he cannot exist in the presence of a relationship that is based upon a lie. The thing that really blows my mind in all of this though is that Jesus is in between us, filling in the gaps of our own shortcomings, allowing us to connect in love despite our depravity. Although my dad doesn't know how to listen well yet, Jesus does and I can be loved in him while I wait for change in my earthly father. There is so much hope for salvation between me and other people because Christ has saved me unto him, to be completed in him, and also so that I can love other people out of that completeness. How great is my Father!