..tension

The concept of tension has been one that has been consuming my life as of late. It seems that there is this divine tension in everything that happens to me and I embrace it and love it while simoteniously dreading its implications. It brings me to the place where I am not comfortable with certain things that I don't think that I should be okay with. Simple things such as where are my clothes coming from, and my food, and are the choices I am making with my financial blessings really glorifying God? I have the immense tension of being so incredibly blessed to be a Christian university and be experiencing the amazing things that I have but at the same time I feel as though an intimate relationship with Christ would be so incredibly real in a situation other than this. I long for peace about this situation but rejoice in the tension, because it pushes me to think and allows me to be okay with whatever circumstance I am in. I find tension in the way I desire to live and the life that I blooming before me. Perhaps that tension is simply there to drive me to my knees in my weakness and to cry my Abba father and beg for his presence in my life. It draws me closer to a Jesus that isn't always easy to understand but takes pleasure in his ambiguity at time, since you must rely on his power to know him. Benny asked me today if I knew that Jesus loved me. The answer is yes, but sometimes I wonder if my lifestyle choices reflect my love for my Jesus.