..mind

Here is an update blog. These are always tradgectly feeble attempts at recounting the events and massive movements of God in my life over the last few days. My bones are tired and I don't want to do this but someday I will be able to look back and understand another small portion of God's infinate love for me. I think I feel like an apostle of Christ right now, trying to figure out just what's most important to recount three entire years with Jesus. My soul is burdened for them in that task.

These are my thoughts:

The last few days, with the exception of Saturday, have been very intense in their nature. I have experienced so much of God, in so many ways, that I came to Saturday and felt as though I had to 'take a break' from God because I couldn't handle it anymore. My prayer is that God will help me die enough to myself that I can experience so much more of the fullness of God.

John Swanger and Dana and I had a very intense conversation about Mars Hill at Scum on Tuesday. I found myself coming back to the pure nature of Jesus but I existed so much in the intensity of that conversation. I felt so hurt along with John and Dana because of things stemming from Mars Hill but so hurt also when she said, "I hate, hate, hate Mark Driscoll." This has caused me to question my thinking on the topic, in a constructive and healthy way and it has been part of my mental dialog for a week now. I am asking for the mind of Christ on this issue, that I might rejoice in the preaching of the gospel in any context. I have a feeling that I am going to be working through this tension for a while and to attend any other church would be to avoid it, and that is a sign of my resistance to growth. I want to remain in this struggle and I want Jesus to lift me out of it in his time.

Life has happened, many conversations have surged into my life, leaving a wake of beautiful reconciliation, passion, and dreams. I feel incredibally blessed with the heart God has given me, the people that he has placed in my life and the opprotunities he is placing in my path.

I think that I am learning what radical trust looks like. I am learning to respond to the movement of God in my life and dreaming big dreams because my God is a big God.

I have learned so much more than this mere post and I have sadly forgetten it. Perhaps it has simple seeped from the realm of my brain and into the marrow of my bones and the flesh of my heart and I am not learning them anymore, but living them. I think that this hope might be slightly idealistic though.