..church

It's a funny thing to me when God calls me away from something. I find that I am usually asking for clarity, for a yes or a now on a major decision, or for assurance in the things that he is telling me to do. This, however, has not been the case for me with 'going to church'. I am finding myself being called away from church and this is unfamiliar territory for me.

Growing up church was always a part of my life. Always. I started to attend Mars Hill in my junior year of high school and God definitely worked through that body to affect me in a really amazing way. I felt a compulsion to go there for several years and grew a lot through the teaching of Mark and the intimacy of my community group. The thought of leaving was never an answer to people who were angry about Mars Hill or the misunderstandings it caused in my life. I am not leaving church because it is a difficult place to be, I just don't feel as though God wants me to be there anymore.

I have tried other churches. They are nice. I think that God wants me to redefine church in my life and right now that means not going to church. I don't know if this is the right thing to do and it honestly scares me. It hurts to think about the misconceptions that will probably come about in regards to my faith. Oh well. I am scared that I won't do it seriously. I am scared that I won't be able to look to my church attendance as a pillar of my faith and that I will be weakened (or have to reexamine exactly what my faith is built on).

But in some ways it’s really liberating. I have the feeling that God and I are doing this together and even though I am scared about it, I know that it will be okay.

I'm excited to watch my vocabulary change too. Church is suppose to be a verb not a noun, I think...