..imagination

I have been in a thinking mood lately. I usually know that I have slipped into one when I stop talking and people begin to ask me if I'm 'doing okay'. I usually just giggle and say yes, because I am doing fine, just thinking...

I am thinking about hope, and imagination, and purpose, and anger, and resistance, and stability, and authenticity, and humility. I think that I am growing into a rooted and settled place in my faith, where God's will is more important than me being extreme or known.

I am learning that authenticity is silent. Humility is silent. I have often thought in the past that authenticity was how other people perceived me. I would project myself onto other people, having them mirror back their interpretation of me, and if that matched up to the person I thought I was, I would declare myself 'authentic'. Much of it had to do with my image or my loud social theology or passion for certain topics, not because they were the essence of what I was but because that is the way I wanted to be perceived. My search for authenticity was really me searching for a way to justify my pride. I think that this deeply rooted, silent authenticity is an expression of humility. Humility is being finding identity and strength through Christ alone, living that out silently but always having words of thanks to Him perched at the edge of my tongue. Humility lets me really listen, without even talking in my brain during a conversation. It also invites people to listen when I talk. My words hold more power when they are enveloped with listening.