..accidental

To be honest I don't know much about the church calendar, I wish I did, but I don't. I don't know  much of the historical traditions of Advent but the church calendar seems to haunt me at times and I feel like it is chasing me right now. 

This break has been interesting and far more emotional than I would have ever expected.  Just a lot of thinking and feeling, much of which I could type out in this diary/television thing but I will refrain for the benefit of all.

But a few days ago I started to reflect on the general scope of what I had been thinking/feeling and it all started to make more sense in light of the purpose of Advent.  This break I have struggled a lot with my purpose and worth, with my potential post-grad, and with the endless possibility of life choices that seem so looming.  I have been looking at the things in my life, the activities that I love and do, and all I want to be true is that they are marked by an incredible sense of freedom. I want these things that I love to bring me closer to freedom and closer to God.

But I feel like everything  is kind of off and that creates a critical mass of brokenness that is getting slightly overwhelming.  But despite the snow and paralyzed condition of Seattle, the day we get to remember Jesus is coming and I hope that I will be able to fall into some sort of peace and comfort when that comes.

I realize that Advent isn't about lying to yourself, trying to imagine the world pre-incarnation. I just want this emotional blizzard to be calmed by a reminder of God in my life.