..turkey

Today was Thanksgiving. That brings up certain, distinct images of turkey and pie smothered in whipped cream and a million dishes to wash. My Thanksgiving did not really contain any of those stereotypical things in it this year. I ate an acorn squash, peas, a salad and some chocolate cake. I watched Scrubs, Oprah, Joe Dirt, and Blue Collar Comedy. I had a really good converstation with Marilyn and have a stronger desire than ever to have a mentor. But the difference in what I experienced and what is desired as normal flowed over from just the food to the realization of my family situation. I love my parents and brother immensely. They have been so consistent and supportive in my life but there are areas where the tension mounts and I don't know exactly how to release it. I longed to dive in to deep CONVERSATION over the salmon and squash but casual niceties were exchanged and thoughts were taken and given, but hearts were not opened and touched. I desire more than anything to sit down and have an openminded discussion with my father and not have it lead to a point where a soap box is mounted and jumped upon for twenty minutes, with the words of conviction just floating around in the room, never entering any psychies. I want our differences in opinion to be expressed, heard, and understood. That never requires agreeing with the other person. Civil discussion is obtainable. Perhaps a reverse soap box mounting must occur on my part. I want to strongly and accurately declare the person that God is making me into to my parents and I think that a forced soap box experience might be the only way to achieve that. I am done listening to one sided battles about capitalism, evolution, Mountain View, liberals, and my brother. I don't want to be talked at anymore. It is an insult to my intelligence and personhood and does not bring me into a loving, give-take relationship with my father. I want to have balanced and healthy conversation. I don't have any idea how to achieve that though so I suppose I will continue to use my current methods of communication which just leave me pissed off.