..ache

Today has been strange. It feels as though I have been on the edge of something that feels like tears but is not. The only way that it even begins to make sense to me is to call it a divine ache. I know that there is something profoundly wrong with me, I realize it about every twenty minutes of my existence but most of the time it is not as tangible as it was today. Tuesday I found myself lost in the love of Christ and what he had done for me and just hung out with him all day. But today was different, he was still there but we didn't talk as much and I saw the filth and unbandaged holes in my life more clearly. There is an ache in my soul and I can feel it physically that needs God. I need him to complete me and I am nothing without him. I can not live without him. I crapped out on my reading today and I felt it, yesterday wasn't much better either and my life felt empty then too. I find myself deeply troubled at the things in the world that are not how they should be and I think that the reason that it so greatly pains me to see them is because they are so evident in my own life. I not only feel pain for the broken things of this world and others but also an intense ache because they are so perfectly exemplified in my life. I don't really know what I need to do next. I need to love God and through that my life will fall into order. I need to seek [first] the kingdom of God then everything else I know that I need to do will fall into place. I kind of just want to cry right now and I can't even express why. I am not sad, but there is just an ache because I am so broken...