..dry

From Friday on something has been missing. It's not God, he never leaves, but its my realization of him being here. Skipped bible reading after skipped Bible reading has left me with an entire weekend with very little God connection. He is reaching his hand out to touch me but I am not placing mine in his. The past days have seemed empty and lonely, devoid of meaning and purpose and joy. I have gotten sick to and I feel as though it is another weight to add onto the pile. I get selfish when I am sick. I become more conscious of my body and my own physical perdicament and have little energy to invest in others. Part of me says, you can't give anymore, you need to take a break and this is it. The other part of me says that you can do it if Christ is the one that gives you strength. I wish I was well so I could have the energy to read my Bible and talk with God but maybe he is just bringing me to the end of myself to prove that he is a shelter, refuge and friend, one that doesn't leave when I don't call for a few days. I also started my fasting last night and feel as if the experience might be totally wasted this week because it hasn't been about Christ and I haven't replaced food with Him. At the end of it everything comes back to grace. Grace that covers me for the sins I do and that I don't do. Grace that is willing to give me a huge, long hug after I have been out of town for the weekend.